Archive for December, 2009

Everybody Dies

December 15, 2009

Now I hate to  shock you  like that, but seriously, I need to sort this out and get it over with. This one thought has been consuming my mind.  It is a large part of what Willie and I talked about for so long. I think if I just figure it out, I will be able to move on and tell you about other things. 

No matter how many fun times I had this summer, whenever I relaxed I could not enjoy myself, because I  kept thinking about someone  who had died, and who I missed, or then someone else who is sick and getting sicker, or I would hear about someone else who had recently died. There was no letup.

 First I was just sad that Larry had died 

He got hit by a car May 1, 2008.

 and that the lady’s brother  had died 

Her brother John. He died May 25, 2008.

and that her Aunt Carrie had died. 

She was so smart. She died July 13, 2008.

She was a little girl at one time.

 Then the cat’s friend Matilda died. 

The cat just loved her. She died in early 2009.

 And Willie told me that where he had stayed to visit for a year, THAT lady’s husband had died 21 years ago, and she still missed him! 

He died in 1988. But in 1966 wasn't he handsome?

And when I thought about it, about who had died, I kept thinking of more and more other people also who had died, previously I mean. Like some friends’ babies, and other brothers and  dads, and Abraham Lincoln, and a favorite dog named Chuck.  And then I thought that my friends here will die some day, and their friends, and pretty soon everybody I know will be dead! 

It made my head swirl and it made me want to lay down on the pavement and just STOP and lie there and not move again. 

I hate to admit it but I was getting paralyzed. 

I give up.

So I wished for a magical bible verse that would snap me out of it. 

"You shall not muzzle the ox while he is threshing."

 

I don't even have an Ox.

 I tried over-indulging in treats. 

Maybe another snack will help.

But nothing really ever did snap me out of it. There was no snapping. 

And summer was over, and the Christmas Cards started arriving. 

Did his Mom know he was going to die?

If  this sort of thing has been going on all along, then I must be able to go ahead and just live life,  and have some fun anyway.  I mean, everybody didn’t just start dying yesterday. It isn’t a new disaster. It’s that same old disaster we’ve had all along. 

And then somehow I did find a bible verse that seemed to help.

"Thou art my refuge in the day of disaster."

So I’m taking  a little refuge break. I think I feel a little better.

"All" really is Calm. And Bright.

I think I'll just lie here for a while.

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