I Take it All Back

Well, now that I am a little more informed, I’d like to make an apology.
First, I shouldn’t have said anything derogatory about the lady being like a gramma. She pointed out to me that she only wishes she could be a gramma, or even a ma. She moved right on past that to also point out that her very own mother, who I know, is not only a gramma, but a great-gramma, and it is something to be proud of. And, as a tie-in, the lady’s mother has run many half-marathons, and other long distances, and walks and hikes.

So that brings us to the reason she told me she was entering a half-marathon. She isn’t going to race, or even run. They said it was ok if she just walked really fast. She told me she can do that, and they will help her practice to walk safely, with strength and endurance.

And here is why: She joined  Team World Vision! She heard about it at church. This team raises money so that people can help other people have clean water where they live in the Horn of  Africa. The lady actually visited  there three years ago, and met real people from the countries that are having a terrible drought right now. Some of the countries are Ethiopia, Kenya, Somalia, and Sudan.

This is the Horn of Africa

Well, she told me some stories she learned, about how the moms and kids have to spend all their time walking to try to find some water, and not getting to go to school or play. And that after they find the water, they have to lug it all the way back in a heavy container.

The more I heard, the more I was sorry I laughed the ice tea out my nose. Sheesh. Some people don’t even have ice tea. Or ice. Or water to make tea. I wondered if I skip drinking my water, can I send it to them? She said no, it was better for me to stay healthy, and that if I want,  when I do have a glass of water, I can say a prayer for the friends who don’t have water.

I still don’t quite see how people can get water from her pushing the barriers of physical endurance in January. But I guess if Jesus could turn water into wine, maybe by a miracle he could turn walking into water?

I hope so.

Can't everybody have a glass of clean water?

Now She’s Done It

The lady, the one that lives here with me, has gone mad. You can trust me on this.  She came home from church yesterday, and announced to all who would hear that she was going to enter a HALF MARATHON race.  I burst out laughing so hard that my ice tea squirted out my nose! I could hardly breathe, and tears were streaming down my face!

The reason this is so funny is because she does not run. Ever. She walks, but only to and from the bedroom and kitchen, and the car, in which she drives everywhere. She is practically like an old gramma lady, who just makes potato salad and wears her hair in a bun. I snuck and took a picture of her to prove it to you:

Gramma! Gramma! two by four...

That is actual potato salad she is making, and just look at her! All I know is, it made my day. I haven’t laughed that hard in my entire life!

Once I calmed down, I tried to ask her what she was talking about, because I could tell she was serious, her face was all wrinkly-mad-like. I think she didn’t tell me the whole story, because she thought maybe I wouldn’t belive her, so all I know right now is she told me her efforts were going to help bring clean water to drought stricken places in Eastern Africa. I stopped laughing when I heard that, but I have to tell you, I will have to get the whole story. I think I better wait til tomorrow to bring it up. In the meantime, she has been on the computer a lot! I promise to bring a full report soon.

Visiting Dignitaries

You know how Big Monkey came to America all the way from England, in a box? (Scroll down there for the whole story.)

He is from England. You have to imagine the box.

Well, today we had some visitors here at the house, real people all the way from England. I do not think they came here in a box, but in an airplane. The man and the lady met them at church, and invited them over for “tea” this afternoon. Tea was a very small portion of what was served. There were loads of plates with all kinds of treats. I think that is how they do it in England.

They are here attending a conference where people figure out how to hack into your account and change your name and make your passcode all encrypted and secure, or something. I am not sure. I might have it sort of mixed up. I was listening from the bedroom, because I was sort of shy. They have very fancy accents, and sound so smart, way way smarter than the man and the lady here. And they were  funny! I could hear them all laughing in the kitchen. I decided I didn’t want to risk them laughing at me, an American Monkey, so I stayed out of sight for most of the visit.

But right before they left, I got hauled out to make a presentation. The English Gentleman actually said “I have always wanted to hear a monkey’s opinion.”  But before I could launch into my main topic there were poses and flashbulbs going off, and I never really did get to say much of anything.

They are from England. No box.

They were so nice and charming.  She is a brilliant computer scientist, and he is a dynamic speaker and charity strategist.  They are dignitaries from another country, and I respected them. So much so, in fact,  that I did not correct the Gentleman when he said he was “on Holiday.” Holiday! Everyone knows that means Christmas, and here it is only August! Maybe they do things differently in England. I would ask Big Monkey, but I think he is on Holiday at Sarah’s house.

He is so happy when he is with her.

He better come home soon. I have to learn  more about England.

The Very Next Minute

My Trick is already over! I was still sitting on the couch chuckling to myself about the secret money, when the young man came out and asked the lady: “Hey, what’s this?” She just looked at him and said: “It looks like a twenty dollar bill, why?” And then he’s all: “I found it in my bathroom.” And then she’s all: “I should go look in my bathroom!” And then they really started to go around in circles, talking about yard work, and not paying, and denying any knowledge of these actions, and she was so befuddled, and didn’t understand anything that was going on. All of a sudden, they both stopped, and glared right at ME! I was sort of giving it away because I was having to hold my hands over my mouth, I was laughing so hard! Tears were coming right out of my eyes, and I couldn’t believe how much I tricked everybody!
I think he kept the money, and she still doesn’t even know where it came from. She can’t even count! Ha ha!

A Good Trick

I am playing a good trick on the nice young man that lives here with us. The lady always just calls him “Yard Boy”, and I think that is so disrespectful, because for crying out loud, he has a NAME, and she should use it properly. But no. “Yard boy, yard boy! Will you water the lawn? Will you mow the grass again?”
He did a ton of hard work today in the yard, and in ANOTHER different yard for them also. Difficult, sweaty, thankless yard work. He says he likes to do that kind of work, but I just can’t believe it. Anyway, the lady didn’t even offer to pay him, because she’s all “Oh, he likes yard work, and besides, he always refuses any payment.”
Well, as usual, she is just not thinking very hard. So I played a good trick on them both. She has piles of money, all lying around unused, so I took one of the monies and put it in a funny place where he won’t find it right away, but pretty soon he will.
And when he does, he will just gaze at it in wonderment. I will have to try hard not to burst out laughing every time I see him. But just you wait!

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Secret money!